br1dgetjon3sy

a guide to uk cities for foreign people

  • manchester: gays. you will probably get mugged.
  • liverpool: like manchester, but less gay. you will definitely get mugged.
  • newcastle: probably quite good for canadians as exists in permafrost and has never left the 90s.
  • leeds: it's a lot cheaper than london
  • bradford: leeds but awful
  • nottingham: gun death capital of the uk!
  • derby: intense rivalry with nottingham, literally no one else in the country or world gives any f*cks about this.
  • hull: violently resist anyone who attempts to take you here
  • leicester: i'm not sure this is a real place
  • york: this is an illustration from the top of a christmas biscuit assortment
  • birmingham: NO.
  • brighton & hove: more gays. is only a pretend city. mild to moderate chance of mugging. contains some deeply annoying hippies. basically if san francisco was british.
  • portsmouth: there is literally nothing here.
  • southampton: exactly the same as portsmouth but smells of off milk
  • bristol: you have a 1 in 10 chance of ending up in a bbc recording. everyone sounds like a farmer or bob marley.
  • cardiff: you have a 1 in 5 chance of ending up in a bbc recording, and a 1 in 3 chance of being glassed.
  • plymouth: post apocalyptic wind tunnel full of drunk sailors pissing on depressed hookers. do not enter.
  • penzance: everyone here is from london now.
  • london: no one from london is actually from london and even breathing is expensive.
  • cambridge: windy and full of equal amounts of homeless drug addicts and public schoolboys. the junkies are nicer.
  • oxford: same number of c***s as cambridge but easier to escape from due to all-night bus to london
  • edinburgh: a goth turned into a city. basically london but slightly more scottish.
  • glasgow: it is impossible to tell whether people are angry or happy.
  • aberdeen: las vegas at the point when vegas starts crying uncontrollably
  • belfast: do not order "an irish car bomb" OR "a black and tan" here.
  • wolverhampton: really, really don't.
  • norwich: count people's fingers. mutations walk here.
  • coventry: like plymouth, bombed flat in ww2. like plymouth, failed to take the hint. like plymouth: do not alight here.
  • wells: so tiny and filled with country bumpkins that it got used as the setting for the VILLAGE in hot fuzz. there is also a suspiciously low crime rate...
  • worcester: a blend between pretty tudor houses, ugly 60s buildings, forests, and sauce.
polaerbear
aspenhippie:

vans-supreme:

reachingheart:

hollywoodsign:

w-hitehouses:

coralnik:

This is so meaningful. I mean, I’ve always wanted the boy to stand right in front of me, pull me closer and look into my eyes. Everything is unimportant at this time. You just stand close to the person you love and you feel their breath and the heartbeat and you can’t stop your mind from spinning. You tremble and there are pterodactyls in your stomach and you know he’s gonna kiss you and you cant wait. But you want this moment to last forever though. I’ve always wanted to experience it.

SOMEONE FUCKING LOVE ME

FML FML FML FML FML

we live in a world where love is used to get in someone’s pants nowadays.

aww

ok tumblr are you trying to make me sad?

aspenhippie:

vans-supreme:

reachingheart:

hollywoodsign:

w-hitehouses:

coralnik:

This is so meaningful. I mean, I’ve always wanted the boy to stand right in front of me, pull me closer and look into my eyes. Everything is unimportant at this time. You just stand close to the person you love and you feel their breath and the heartbeat and you can’t stop your mind from spinning. You tremble and there are pterodactyls in your stomach and you know he’s gonna kiss you and you cant wait. But you want this moment to last forever though. I’ve always wanted to experience it.

SOMEONE FUCKING LOVE ME

FML FML FML FML FML

we live in a world where love is used to get in someone’s pants nowadays.

aww

ok tumblr are you trying to make me sad?